Wank Olympics

The Wank Olympics is new to the sporting world. It will be held annually every September at 71 Endbourne Road. It will attract the top wankers from all over the globe. The events are as follows:

Sprint: All about speed, first to come is the winner
Marathon: All about endurance, last to spurt is the winner
Archery: Contenders stand 2 metres away and aim at an archery target
Long Jump: Whoever shoots their load the furthest wins
High Jump: As above but the highest wins
Javelin: As Long Jump but with a run up
Hammer: Spinning around and then firing
Synchronized Swimming: A group in a bath shooting their loads aesthetically


The ParaWank Olympics begins shortly after. The same events are held but there are different categories for different disabilities, e.g. people with no hands and have to use attached metal claws. Note that these championships are to be held at David Hughes' house.


Don't worry kids, don't feel rejected there is a World Youth Championships held in Rice Lane School Nursery in July.